he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
