"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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