I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
