I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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