I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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