I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
