if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
