Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
