i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
