roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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