Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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