i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
two words...techno handjob
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
