so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
