The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
