Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
