TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
