Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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