someone threw a dead crab at me
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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