she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
