I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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