he wants to bone in the snuggie
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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