its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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