I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
