You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
