We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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