I smell stomach acid.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
