Just fell off a train. Bad.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
