Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
