The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
