im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
