I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
there is glitter all over my balls
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
