I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
