Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
