It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
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