Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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