She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
