So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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