you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
