I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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