somebody snuck up and got me drunk
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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