I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
