i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
