Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
