apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
