no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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