If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Be still, my beating vagina.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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