So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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