had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
