Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
