Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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