So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
