Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
