I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
