i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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