C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
