you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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