i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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